Wednesday, May 13, 2015


Photo by Lisa Mathewson Photography

There is a photo from our wedding that I think about often. Almost a year later, the moment sticks with me. A bride ugly crying while her mom holds her and cries with her too. Beautiful and ugly at the same time.

It was captured in a moment where, amidst all of the happiness and joy of the day, I was deeply sad. I knew that our wedding day had the potential to be particularly hard, but I had no idea how it would hit me in that moment, watching Chris and his mom dance. That the ever present hole that is there would open up just a little bit wider in that moment and release all the feels right in the middle of something beautiful. Sadness. Embarrassment. Jealousy. Guilt. Shame.

Today marks 9 years since we said goodbye to my dad. I don't feel the loss in days. I feel it in moments.  I am still learning how to miss someone this much.

The tears can be tough. But they can also be healing.

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