Thursday, June 28, 2012

Things I'm Afraid to Tell You

So the "Things I'm Afraid to Tell You" posts have been circling around blogs for awhile now. I may be a little late to the game, but it is because I have actually written and rewritten this post several times. Here goes....

1. I worry often that others do not see me as a genuine person. Maybe this is because one of my identified strengths is "Woo" or Winning Others Over. Basically, its description says that I am good at meeting people and getting them to like me. While I try to embrace that this is a skill that I have, sometimes I wonder if people see me as a superficial or surface person. That I don't have depth or substance.

2. Although I am making progress, I worry that I will never finish my dissertation. That it will just become another thing that I started and did not finish. I know that I have talked about this before, but it continues to be a mental hurdle for me to work through each morning as I try to motivate myself to write. I know that I can be my own greatest enemy here. Similar to my running training, I just need to get out of my head and do it, but that is easier said than done.

3. I wish that I had things more together when I was in college. Sure, I graduated and got good grades. And I was an involved student leader. At times, I did a great job looking like I knew what I was doing. But inside, I was a total mess. And I made a lot of mistakes and missed a lot of opportunities. I know my student development theory, and that it is all part of the growth process - where the learning happens. Working on a college campus every day, I see the opportunities in front of our students, and it is hard to think about different choices that I would make, if given a do-over. I might have made the time to study abroad, to apply for a scholarship to UIFI or Leadershape, to be a better sorority president, and most importantly, to take better care of myself and not engage in so many risks.

4. I am jealous of friends who have seen the world. I listen with envy and pour over others' pictures of these amazing adventures that I have never had. I have always had this vision of myself as a world traveler, with exposure to and an enjoyment of different cultures. My life experiences would indicate otherwise. The only place I have been out of the country is Tijuana. Womp womp. I want to dedicate more of my time and my budget to travel, but also am scared of that big unknown world out there. And I sort of fear that I will never actually get to all of those cool places on my bucket list because I do not make it a priority. And that would just make me really sad.

5. If you cannot tell, I worry a lot. I am really good at dwelling on things, letting them eat at me. On working myself up to the point that I cannot sleep at night. To the point that for awhile, I was having regular panic attacks. It was very scary, especially because I was living far away from family and close friends, and was scared to share this with those living in proximity to me. I am very grateful to be past that point in my life, but still struggle with anxiety and certain triggers. Thankfully, I have learned some better coping mechanisms to help me work through those now.

Phew. That's it. Out there for the world to see.

While I value vulnerability and try to put myself out there on this blog, sometimes it can feel a little overwhelming. I was reminded of the importance of vulnerability at a staff professional development event earlier this week. The presenters shared one of the best TED Talks that I have seen by Brene Brown on "The Power of Vulnerability." I have shared it below, in case you might be looking for a little motivation to put yourself out there as well. Worth the watch.

Happy Thursday!


  1. You were a great sorority president :-)

    1. Thanks friend. I certainly made a lot of mistakes along the way, but learned a lot from the experience.


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