Tuesday, May 8, 2012


Remember that time that I was a PhD student? Yeah, I seem to have forgotten.

Over the weekend, I pulled out my dissertation proposal. And then I cried. For real.

It is hard to admit that I had not looked at it in almost a year. And when I finally pulled it out again, I just felt lost and overwhelmed. I could not even begin to tell you what I had been working on last summer. What I still needed to read, or even what I had already finished reading. I definitely cannot identify where I left off or where I need to get started now, outside of the notes from my faculty member. Which are basically awful. How did I let it get this far? I'm just really sad, and disappointed in myself, and not sure how to restart. At this point, I wonder if it would just be easier to start over.

My supervisor asked me yesterday if I wanted to finish. He said that it is okay if I don't, a lot of people do not finish. But he said that if I decide not to finish, I have to be okay with it and let it go.

I have thought about it a lot, and lost a lot of sleep. I do want to finish. I have put in too much time, energy, and money to stop now. I still want to propose in the fall. But I need to commit to buckling down and getting it done. I need to work on it every single day. And, most importantly, I have to find some way to get back into it.

I thought comps were hard, but this is definitely the hard part. Sigh.


  1. I believe in you! The present may suck but down the road once you have it, you'll be so thankful you didn't quit. Mind over matter! YOU CAN DO IT!!!

    1. Thanks Brad! I appreciate the support. In the end, I do think it'll be worth it.


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